Posted by: John Looker | 25 July, 2009

AN ADVERTISER’S ANNOUNCEMENT

AN ADVERTISER’S ANNOUNCEMENT

Today sees the launch of a new and exciting product,
made for your pocket or bag:
the poetry:prose/prose:poetry converter.
We call it
the P
4C.
Our designers came up with a simple yet brilliant concept:
any idea, charged with emotion or imagination,
can be put into plain language;
but it lives longer, travels farther,
changes more lives
as poetry.

The P4C,
with its powerful processor,
translates instantly from mode to mode.
It comes in chrome and a range of vibrant colours.
It can be personalised with voice recognition.
The P
4C
takes a dull thought such as this:
“Well, London looks nice this morning”
and transforms it into
“Earth has not anything to show more fair …”.

It can work in reverse, modulating
“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate”
offering instead
“You know, you’re cool, like you’re really nice!”

When would you use
your P
4C?
When would you not!
Complaining in a Chinese restaurant you would say:
“It took less time for Marco Polo’s horse
to cross the great Mongolian plains of grass.
He reached the Forbidden City, claimed his bride,
sailed with her, lost her, then came home and died
in lesser time!”

Making your will? Applying for jobs?
Claiming insurance?
When the facts seem insubstantial you could say
“God looked over the rim of heaven and spoke.
The very sinews of the world were torn.
His voice moved continental plates and broke
the mirror on the bathroom wall.”

But you can change the settings on
your P
4C.
Nervous of emotion? Feeling shy?
Tune it to Understatement.
Although seething inside with:
“Can’t you drive you cretinous Neanderthal!”
You become more diplomatic:
“Clearly you’re a person of distinction.
Our modern world’s too fast a place for you.
Why not try some gentler transportation?
I think you’d find a palanquin should do.”

And when some day, some night, there’s news
that undermines the ground on which you’ve built,
that brings you down,
and friends enquire routinely how you are,
you need new words.
The P
4C
will help you find that urgent equilibrium.
Tune it down;
tune it right down to the minimum;
casually say, obliquely,
with decorum:

“I’m fine, I’m really fine. Another day
and then I’ll get my bearings, chart my way.”

© John Stevens 2009

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Responses

  1. *This* is great fun, Dad! I’d buy one. Maybe like SpinVox you could fake it – if I text you my thoughts during a meeting, will your P4C them for me?

    : )

    Like

  2. Yes, let’s try, text me the intervention you want to make! But if you are speaking higher mathematics as usual then I can predict only poetic gobbledygook from my P4C …

    Like

  3. I love this! It’s such a fantastic idea, and made me giggle! Can you make a real one please to help me deal with my BFEs!! :o)

    Like


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